1. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
   1. In C it would take three programmers, and the bulb would have to be removed and reinserted several times before they got it to work. Moreover, nobody would ever be able to change the light bulb after that.
   2. In ADA [the US government official language], it would only take one programmer, but before he could begin, 87 bureaucrats would have to write proposals justifying the expense of changing the bulb.
   3. LISP would actually require no programmers, for once the programmer wrote the basic code, the bulb would change itself.
   4. In FORTH, the bulb would change the programmer.
   5. In PASCAL, we'd just buy a new lamp, as it would be too much trouble to change the bulb.
   6. In COBOL, it does not matter how many, it would still take them months.
   7. In ASSEMBLER, it would only take one programmer, provided he doesn't mind constructing the bulb from a kit first.
   8. Likewise it would only take one BASIC programmer, but after switching on, there would be a five minute delay before light was emitted.
   9. The OCCAM programmer would be able to replace N light bulbs in parallel, where N is less than or equal to the number of light bulb changing appendages available.
   10. IBM does not change light bulbs. It adds value to PEUs (photon emitter units).
   11. Microsoft declare darkness as a standard
   And finally, the correct answer: NONE, it's a hardware problem.
2. Wie viele Marsmenschen braucht man, um eine Glühbirne einzuschrauben...?
   1 1/2

   Wie viele Klingonen braucht man, um eine Glühbirne einzuschrauben...?

   2. Der eine schraubt die Birne ein und der andere tötet den ersten, um den ganzen Ruhm für sich selbst beanspruchen zu können.

   Wie viele Surrealisten braucht man, um eine Glühbirne einzuschrauben...?

   2. Der eine hält die Giraffe fest, während der andere die Badewanne mit Uhren füllt...

   Wie viele Mathematiker braucht man, um eine Glühbirne einzuschrauben...?

   1. Er gibt die Glühbirne den zwei Surrealisten und reduziert das Problem auf ein bekanntes.

Q. How many Help Desk people does it take to change a light bulb?
A. PC Repair has received your mail concerning your hardware problem and has assigned your request Service Order Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this case of trouble. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

Q. How many support staff people does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Just exactly how dark is it? Ok. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch?

Q. How many integration testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We just find the problem. We don't fix them.

Q. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The light bulb works fine on the systems in all other offices. Why would YOURS not work?

Q. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That's a hardware problem.

Q. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Tell software to code around it.

Q. How many contract programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One always quits in the middle of the project.

Q. How many help desk techs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I think that's a device driver problem.

Q. How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...

Q. How many C++ programmer's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send it a bulb change message.

Q: How many internet mailing list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

®© 1995 Peter Hoener
File:"http://www.tu-harburg.de/et6/New/People/private/light.html"